How to Improve Your Marriage – The 5 Cs for a Healthy Marriage
If you’re like most people who have been married for a while, you’d like to know how to improve your marriage. Time and routine have a way of making us lose sight of the important things in life, and take those things for granted. If your marriage seems to be getting stale or going off in unplanned directions, you need to stop and take time to assess the situation. A marriage can be the source of happiness and contentment, or the opposite, but it always needs attention and effort to keep it healthy and strong. Here’s what you need to do if you really want to learn how to improve your marriage -what I call the 5 Cs.
Communicate
This is the big one, and because it sounds so easy, it tends to get glossed over. If you’ve heard it once, you’ve probably heard it a thousand times that if you want to learn how to improve your marriage, the key is communication. This doesn’t mean that you have to tell your spouse everything (see honesty below), but it does mean that regular talking about all kinds of normal, ordinary topics should be the norm – not the exception. Most of the tips you’ll see here are related in some way to communication, so keep it in mind.
Cooperate
A marriage is a partnership, and you should always think of it that way. If you had a business with a partner and he or she wasn’t pulling his or her weight, you would have to talk about it (communicate) and try to work out a process to make things more equal – think about how to apply this idea in practicing how to improve your marriage. In this modern age there’s no reason for either spouse to be doing more than a fair share of housework, yard-work, shopping, child care, and so on. Working out a schedule or at least agreeing on a plan to take care of these everyday tasks is very important. Resentments can simmer for a long time about small things, and then turn in to something more serious.
Compromise
Give and take is the name of the game in this area. If you are serious about learning how to improve your marriage, you’ll work very hard on compromising. The first step in doing this is – guess what – communicating with your spouse. If you have a need or want something that you’re not getting, you have to talk about it. Then you need to be willing to meet your spouse halfway, sometimes more or less, but always somewhere in the middle.
Care
if you love your spouse, caring should be second nature – and if it isn’t, there’s no excuse for not adding it to your list on how to improve your marriage. Unfortunately, it’s easy to start forgetting how important it is to care about being honest and trustworthy, being concerned about your partner’s comfort, and being considerate in general. Honesty too often is thought of as some sort of emptying out of your contents, a tell-all mode of life. It’s better to think of it as an agreement not to keep secrets from each other, not to do anything that you wouldn’t want your spouse to know about, and to make sure that he or she is kept informed, just like you’d inform a business partner. If you are considerate, you are always caring about your spouse’s comfort, health, and mental well-being, and trying your best not to do anything that would indicate that you don’t care.
Commit
You took some very important vows on your wedding day, and you should try to remind yourself each day of your life that you have made a promise to your spouse. The commitment that a marriage needs to stay healthy has to be worked on constantly. If you are committed, you will of course be faithful, but you will also communicate effectively, learn to compromise, cooperate in all things, show that you care, and reaffirm your promises to your spouse whenever you can. If you are committed to working on how to improve your marriage, you’ll be way ahead of the game.
Communication in Marriage – Quality Communication is Key in Successful Marriages
The quality level of your communication in marriage is a factor that will make or break your marriage. As your lives become intertwined it is important to remember to communicate with your partner effectively and consistently. You see your husband or wife constantly. They are the first person you see when you wake up in the morning and often the last person you talk to before going to sleep. You spend time together during the week and on weekends. At times your relationship may become monotonous, but you have to remember to always attempt to have quality communication in marriage.
FINANCES
Issues with finances can often lead to discontent in marriage. While there are generally no quick fixes to financial problems, communicating about finances can ease partners’ discontent. It is a good idea to establish specific times when you will sit down as a couple to discuss finances. Do not just focus on bills that must be paid. Be sure to talk about goals that each of you have regarding your finances. In taking this time to plan and dream together you can turn finances from a burden in your relationship into a rewarding part of your marriage.
HOUSEHOLD
Together you are maintaining a household. Be clear about who is responsible for what household tasks. If either of you feel that you are expected to perform an unfair share of cleaning or maintenance, resentment may brew. This resentment can be avoided with the use of clear communication in marriage. Approach your partner when you begin to have these feelings. Talk about a specific issue that is bothering you and listen to what your partner says in response. Often, your partner will not realize that you have theses feelings unless you specifically communicate with them about your feelings.
FAMILY
Family relationships effecting a marriage can be with either extended, your in-laws, or immediate, your children. Determine how you, as a couple and individually, are responsible to these family members. Realize that your most important family unit is now your partnership and that partnership needs to be nurtured. When you feel that responsibilities to immediate and extended family members are overshadowing your promises to each other, talk about how to return focus toward your marriage. If either partner in a marriage feels that they are being neglected, it is critical to communicate these feelings.
Communication in marriage is most effective when it is consistent and clear. When talking with your partner be aware of what your partner is attempting to communicate. Be sure to review and summarize what you think they are saying. For example, after having a discussion with your spouse repeat what they have said to you to ensure that you understand what it is they are trying to communicate. Use phrases such as, “I think what you are trying to say is…” and listen to their response. Most couples will feel more connected when there is a clear line of communication in marriage. The key to this connection is listening.